so what.....

i lied.

long time no blog.

Today I feel pain and anxiety. 
but..
I also feel healing and growth.


I'm gonna be back sooner rather than later this time.


-R 

feel.

I no longer know how to get my feelings out. 

Maybe I have none.

I no longer know what to think.

I can't. 

&& sometimes I just don't know.

-R

heartache

Have you ever been in love?  Horrible isn't it?  It makes you so vulnerable.  It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.  You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.... You give them a piece of you.  They didn't ask for it.  They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.  Love takes hostages.  It gets inside you.  It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.  It hurts.  Not just in the imagination.  Not just in the mind.  It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.  I hate love.
  ~Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

Its april. dang.

I love this warm weather!!!
It is so nice these last couple of days. to bad it is supposed to rain this weekend.
I really need to get out and do something fun.
i want to make a trip to city creek. i still have not been there!! im sooo lame sometimes.
but i cut my hair.. short. short short. and dyed it dark brownish. i really like it.
Todooooo's
-feed the duck trip.
- start going to the gym again
-go tannning.
-rearrange my living room
-do some crafting
-make a good dinner, I'm thinking enchiladas
- go through all of Zane's clothes and pack the old ones up for Kaesen
-plan a bbq
-vacuum my car out
-get some plants or flowers for my living room
-get a new rug
-have a movie night with popcorn and snacks
-just have some fun with my boys.
bye....

officially spring.

Spring officially started on March 20th.

It actually snowed that night.

but now it is so nice out side and is supposed to be 

in the 70's this weekend!!

I am so excited. I love the warm weather.

I have a trip planned to feed the ducks.

First one of they year. I am excited.

I have been going on a gossip girl binge on Netflix.

its horrible.

haha. I love it tho. 

I bought toy story 3 for Zane and he loves it! 

Its a cute movie. I also got 101 Dalmatians but he

 is not that in to it.

My nights consist of laundry, dinner and movies.

My life has just been so lame lately.

I really wish my sister was here and would

 just move home already..

I need my BEST FRIEND.

she said its not going to happen anytime soon. 

She SUcks!

but i miss her dearly and I miss my lil nephew 

Kaesen. 

He turned the ONE on the 19th of March.

I soo wish I could have been there.

This year went by so fast. and he turned one so fast!

It makes me realize Zane will be 3 this year.. 

hat is just crazy to me.

ahhhh.

I'm so happy because of the warm weather.

 it just sucks im stuck inside 

all day cause of my job.

I need to find a good time to take my 

PTO!!

I could really use a vacation.
bye blog.

He tries to not give me kisses

 Getting so big!

Kaesen's 1st Birthday!

three one twentytwelve

dang. is been awhile little blog.
a lot has happened.
we rang in the new year.
I turned twenty-two and we celebrated Valentines day.
Work was way busy during the holidays and has finally
settled down.... for now..
I really can not wait for spring. it is right around the corner...
Spring is my favorite time of year.
I can not wait to go to the zoo. cause we got a membership.
Zane will love it and we will have tons of fun.
I got my tax return and it was just awesome!!
I got a lot crossed off my neeed/want lists. hahaha
I might be getting a car to. so im super excited about that.
Its March first already and i feel like this year is just flying by.
Zane is getting so big and learning new things every single day.
he is a smart boy. his favorite things right now are dragons, cheese quesidillas,
telling me to shhhhhh. and coloring and watching movies.
well... I cant wait for the warm days to be here...
bye.